E-Resource Center: Queensborough Community: City University of NY
You are viewing this site as a QCC student. Change
Queensborough Community College City University of NY
Home Writing Tutorials Grammar Tutorials Course Tutorials CUNY Test Tutorials Major Advisement
Generating IdeasIntroduction and ThesisParagraph StructureParagraph DevelopmentConcluding ParagraphRevising and EditingWriting a Research Paper
Writing Tutorials
Revising and Editing Back to Exercise Menu

Test What You Have Learned - Revising



Instructions: Read the essay that you will be revising, and choose the format for your final draft.


Essay

Mandatory Military Service for All

     As the experience of the September 11 attacks has shown us, the world is becoming an increasingly dangerous place. In addition to the threat of terrorism, civil and international conflicts have created tension and instability in various regions of the world. These conflicts require that the United States, the world's most powerful country, defend democracy and our nation's interests wherever they are threatened. Currently, however, these conflicts are taxing our military forces beyond their capacity, putting our military and our nation in a dangerously vulnerable position. In these times of increased terrorism, we need a strong military that can be ready for action at a moment's notice. Maintaining a strong, well-staffed military is the only way our country can be assured of peace.

     A mandatory draft is needed to address the shortage of personnel in all branches of the military. Recently, the Navy, Air Force and Army have all fallen short of their personnel enlistment goals. With its current size, our military would allow the nation to enter and win only two regional conflicts at the same time. Regrettably, this is not enough. The Navy had 7,000 fewer volunteers than were required to meet its quota for new recruits. The Air Force lacked 2,000 pilots in 2003. Our voluntary armed forces system is in crisis. The supply of available young people is shrinking. In 1980 there were more than 17 million 17- to 20-year-olds. Currently, there are fewer than 10 to 12 million in this age group. This reduction in the number of available youth and the shrinking number of new recruits should serve as a wake up call that mandatory military service should be a requirement if we hope to have a safe and secure nation.

     Although minorities make up only 35% of the population of the United States, they make up more than 37% of the military. And while African-Americans make up only 12% of the population nationwide, they make up more than 22% of the armed forces personnel. These facts show that in our nation's voluntary military, minorities and the less privileged are overrepresented, while the privileged class is underrepresented. As long as military service is voluntary, the burden of military service will fall, to an unfair degree, on minority groups and the poor. This burden shouldn't fall on them because they are already the victims of poverty and violence. Instead of relying on them to serve our country, our country should serve them better. All Americans must share the burden and honor of defending America. Just as the mandatory draft of World War II ensured that everyone had to defend this country regardless of his or her race or social status, a current mandatory draft would make sure that our military is made up of all types of Americans.

     Military service provides young people with the self-discipline they need and with other character building experiences. Our country has been having many problems with its youth. Military service would not only provide young people the means of acquiring the self-discipline they lack, but also with valuable skills and qualities that the military is well suited to instill. One young recruit recounted how military service taught him self-discipline, how to stay focused on a task and how to follow orders set by superiors. He relayed how he came back self-reliant and grown up, proud of his accomplishments and service to his country.

     Defending our interests, democratic values, and freedom can only be achieved through a strong, well-staffed military. We can't have this type of military unless we make military service mandatory. Mandatory military service would also make sure that the burden of defending our country doesn't fall only on the shoulders of minorities and the poor, and it will teach young people valuable skills. Besides, if everyone is obligated to serve, everyone will receive the financial benefits that are now only available to those that volunteer. Sacrifice as well as honor should be shared by all.
Tips
Choose Your Format
Attach
Edit the essay as a Word document and attach it to an email:

You can edit the essay in Microsoft Word and then save it as a document (e.g. voteressay.doc). You can print this document or attach it to an email. Editing your work is much easier if you prepare it this way.

To work on the essay as a Word document, click here.

Print
Edit the essay online and print it:

You can prepare the essay on our website and then print it. After you print it, you may wish to take it to the Center and show it to an instructor. Or you may wish to take the printed copy directly to your professor.

To work on the essay and immediately print it, click here.

Email
Edit the essay online and email it:

You can edit the essay on our website and then email it to us for feedback. We will send you a confirmation notice shortly.

To work on the essay online and email it, click here.

Site Credits | Site Map | Help | Center for English Language Learning

Funded by the U.S. Department of Education (Title V) and the
New York State Education Department (Perkins III)

Bookmark and Share